221609

Joke of the Day

"Why are blondes bad a judging distance? They have no idea what 12 inches actually looks like. I for some reason could not find a way to phrase this any better. Credit to my coworker."

"Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone."

"What kind of cake did Noah enjoy? Mabul cake."

"Don't model myself after Marilyn Monroe, but having imperfections & dying naked in bed clutching bottles of pills & champagne seems doable."

"a serial killer that targets anyone who pronounces the ""S"" in Illinois"

"Why does Barbie never get pregnant........? Because Ken came in another box"

"How do you call a man without a body and a nose? Nobody knows. Sorry if it is a repost"

"Don't give her a Fitbit for Mother's Day. I repeat, don't give her a Fitbit for Mother's Day."

"Customer: I thought the meals here were supposed to be like mother used to make. Waiter: They are. She couldn't cook either."

"A guy sees his dad has a black eye - Hey, Dad. Why do you have a black eye? - You'll have two if you leave your girlfriend's underwear in my car one more time!"