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Joke of the Day

"[Writing Silence of the Lambs] Anyone have an idea for the cannibal's name? Jim: Hannibal? Anyone? Jim: Hannibal Anyone other than Jim?"

"My girl friend enjoys S&M comedies. Usually slapsdick."

"A crazy looking girl threatened to punch me because I kept playing Taylor Swift on the Jukebox. I knew she was Trouble when she walked in."

"The longer you sleep the more sleep you need. The more you eat the bigger is your appetite."

"When runner-ups in reality shows say, ""I may not have won but I'm still a winner,"" do they understand how language and/or competition works?"

"*Goes to the store* *Buys donughts, doughnut holes, and glue*"

"I asked my girlfriend if she could get me a newspaper ""Don`t be silly"", she replied, ""you can borrow my ipad"". That fly never knew what hit it."

"What's the cheapest kind of meat? Deer balls. Because they are under a buck."

"How do you say ""touchdown"" in Polish? Gronkowski"

"I went through three magazines on a train yesterday. I'd killed a dozen people by the time they wrestled the gun off me."