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Joke of the Day

"My doctor was concerned about my health My doctor was concerned about my colon's health and wanted two stool samples, but I couldn't give two shits."

"As an atheist, I often wonder : ""what would Jesus do ?"" and then I do nothing"

"""Excuse me shopkeep, where are your Terminators?"" ""Aisle B, back""."

"What's in the middle of girls' legs? Their knee."

"Did you hear about the new movie about the Nazi with a speech impediment? Schindler's Lisp"

"What would you call a 100 year old can of baked beans? Has-beens."

"What is it with Russians and their track suits? Because back in Soviet day, suit track you."

"Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book? Because they all have phones!"

"What goes in dry and hard, but comes out, wet and soft? Chewing gum"

"So my fiancee rolls over, wakes me up, and says, ""honey, your alarm is going off."" I say..... ""pics or didn't happen."""