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Joke of the Day

"What do you have to know to be an auctioneer? Lots"

"It's just not sanitary to let people get under your skin."

"I used to date cross-eyed women just to feel better about myself after sex."

"A Halloween Limerick A lady vampire named Mable Had a period that was awfully stable. So once a full moon She took out her spoon And drank herself under the table."

"The lord said to Abraham, ""Come forth and I'll give you eternal life."" Abraham came fifth. He won a toaster."

"What will you find in the toilet of a ship? The captains log."

"I just wanna make a lot of money and not do very much, is that so wrong?"

"If Memes Were Horses 4chan would give birth to it. Reddit would kill it. 9Gag would hump its dead body. Facebook would dig up its corpse and attempt to turn its remains into Frankenstein."

"Why do thieves have such a hard time understanding sarcasm? They take things literally"

"If I had a dollar for everyone I work with who's dumber than me, I'd have $11 cause I work for a small company."