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Joke of the Day
"Why can't a t-Rex clap it's hands? Because it's extinct."
Next Joke
"My girlfriend is the squareroot of -100. She's a 10 but it sucks because she's imaginary."
"My Grandad invented the roller coaster. But the cups just slide off the coffee table."
"Good jokes are like pizza. This is not a pizza."
"What do you call a transformer in a canoe? A row bot"
"[pulls out acoustic guitar at a funeral] alright everyone stop being all [finger quotes] sad this next 1 is dedicated to a very sexy widow."
"Yo fellas how did that ""wow"" comment you left on that girls Facebook picture play out?"
"[roulette] ME: [slaps table] 50 on red CROUPIER: Sir that is 50 pictures of Celine Dion ME: Yes and if I win [grabs him] you owe me 50 more"
"What do you call it when a prisoner takes his own mugshot? A Cellfie."
"When I die, I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like Fidel Castro ... ... not screaming in terror, like his victims."