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Joke of the Day

"You're more likely to find something when you're not looking for it. Right now, I'm not looking for a bunch of cash. I hope this shit works."

"So my dad dropped this on my mom this morning Mom - ""You know the neighbor always kisses his wife every morning before work. Why don't you do the same?"" Dad - ""How can I? I barely know her!"""

"Today is the first New Moon after Jan 21sr. Happy New Year to Chinese people and all who choose to be Chinese for a day."

"What has 4 legs and 1 arm? A pitbull on a children's playground."

"What do you call a cross dressed robot? Android-gynous"

"What is it called when someone overdoses on ecstasy? Kill-joy"

"Q: What does a PASCAL programmer say to a C programmer? A: ""Would you like fries with that?"""

"Thought I saw Donald Trump but it was just a pile of distressed leather with a raccoon napping on top of it."

"I use my imagination to solve problems. And by imagination, I mean booze."

"I scream. You scream. The police come. It's awkward."