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Joke of the Day

"I capture lions for a living... I guess you could say I take pride in my work."

"Kids, on Christmas Eve Santa WILL break in to your house. He wants to STEAL YOUR COOKIES. If he has an ""accident"" the law is on your side."

"Just saw a pensioner do a tribute to the England team. Yep she got off the bus look abit confused and then got back on went home."

"Why do girls prefer to drive auto cars, instead of manual? Because they want the D."

"Q. What did the bagpiper get on his I.Q. test? A. Drool."

"Why did the hippie lifeguard not save the drowning boy? He was too far out man!!"

"Lost my watch at a party once. Saw a guy stepping on it while sexually harassing a girl. I walked up to the dude, punched him straight in the nose. No one does that to a girl, not on my watch."

"There was a cricket on my toilet seat so I just backed out awkwardly. Lock the door next time, bro."

"What do you call an Arabic rapper? Vanilla Isis"

"4th of july British people say that we as Americans go overboard with the 4th of July. When really the only thing that went overboard was their tea"