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Joke of the Day

"WIFE: I thought you said you were going to the gym. ME: [playing Pokemon Go] I've been to like 3 of them today. What are you talking about?"

"What does a calculus teacher say when a student doesn't get it? Bro, do you even function?"

"Difference between an android and an iphone. *iphone falls to the floor* Breaks screen. *android falls to the floor* Breaks floor."

"Did you know the Bible forbids sunbathing in Greece? That means it is a sin to go to Cos and get a tan."

"Feminists are like proximity mines. Anything can trigger them and they blow it way out of proportion."

"Jerk chicken and pulled pork... The owner of my favorite restaurant was arrested for beastiality.. That explains why jerk chicken and pulled pork were the only two menu items."

"If you don't consider yourself a terrible person, you're likely a horrific person."

"""It's a boy!"" I shouted, tears rolling down my face. ""I don't believe it. A boy!"" It was at that moment I decided I'd never visit Thailand again."

"What do you call a kid with no arms and legs and severe Down syndrome? Names"

"An Irishman goes for a job as a blacksmith He's asked ""have you ever shoed a horse before?"" ""No but I have told a donkey to fuck off"""