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Joke of the Day

"I love the album Abbey Road so much I think I'm going to name my first daughter ""Road."""

"Beer - tastes like I have friends Title."

"Time for a , ""How many ___ does it take to screw in lightbulb?"", thread! Q: How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: THAT'S NOT FUNNY!"

"*gets summoned to the spider court* YOU ARE HEREBY CHARGED WITH THE CRUSHING OF 4 SPIDERS HOW DO YOU PLEAD? *places glass over spider judge*"

"I only have one cardinal rule... Never feed them past 9, because if you do they'll be up and chirping all night"

"I want my hearse to have 'JUST DIED' written on the windshield with cans tied to the rear bumper."

"I'd tell a 9/11 joke... But the only two I know always fall flat."

"Don't worry about my probation officer, he just likes to watch."

"Me: how was your date? Friend: I ruined her panties. M: Wow that's hot man. F: No she got food poisoning from my cooking, bro."

"The best place to hide a dead body is page 2 of Google search results or page 1 of Bing."