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Joke of the Day

"Pouring water on someone's head to promote something is kinda weird. Now that I've gotten that out of the way, let's go baptize some babies."

"War: what is it good for? Resource acquisition, eliminating your enemies, blowing stuff up, feeling like a big man. So, lots actually."

"What do you call a 2 with a fat ass? A 3"

"""Do not iron"" Like that was ever going to happen..."

"What do you get when you cross the CIA and the Republican Party? Shot in the head in Dallas."

"My brother was in a car accident yesterday... and lost both his left arm and left leg. Actually, he's my half brother. He's all right now."

"Man: You've brought religion into my life. Woman: Really? How? Man: Until I met you, I didn't believe in Hell."

"Michael Jackson was just so innocent and childlike... After a show he'd go home and just blow bubbles..."

"Are they REALLY going to let GAYS play sports?!? What's next? EQUALITY? WOMEN VOTERS? WILL THIS EVER END? #romney2012"

"I don't normally shit with the door open but I don't want to miss the in flight movie"