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Joke of the Day

"Been throwing away this piece of tape for the last 17 hours"

"*jk rowling wakes up* what's today's tweet *spins large bingo cage* hagrid... is... pansexual and... he later joined isis"

"Hey men, don't be fooled by maxipad commercials. Ladies aren't really full of blue windshield washer fluid."

"H: I think we should see other people. Me: Do I have to? I don't even really want to see you."

"There were two chefs who got married, she was Chinese and he was German. They opened a restaurant together. The food is good, but a half hour after you eat dinner, you're hungry for power."

"My mom doesn't understand that powdered donuts are eaten over cd cases while in cars, and my friends love donuts, and that's why. (Not blow)"

"What do you say when a robot explodes into pieces? Rest in pieces. I'll show myself out now."

"Aww... Nuts What do you call nuts on a wall? Walnuts What do you call nuts on your chest? Chestnuts What do you call nuts on your chin? Dick in your mouth *I'll see myself out...*"

"I was wondering why the baseball was getting bigger Then it hit me."

"The ultimate home security system is having shitty stuff."