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Joke of the Day

"Apparently there's this Pokemon character that's a pile of garbage with a face so now I'm famous I guess."

"Drank enough whiskey to talk the husband into a Titanic reenactment. He's laying in the snow and I won't share the picnic table with him."

"What is the difference between Donald Trump and Adolf Hitler? Hitler had big hands"

"Red-nosed Rudolph was hit by a 747 and a flock of seagulls on Christmas Eve during a gift delivery over Barcelona The reindeer in Spain was hit mainly by the plane (Courtesy of Colin Mochrie)"

"Doctor Doctor I keep dreaming of bats creepy-crawlies demons ghosts monsters vampires werewolves and yetis. Doctor: How interesting. Do you always dream in alphabetical order?"

"A man walks into a zoo but there was only a dog in it. It was a shitzu."

"The rose petal scene from American Beauty, but just me naked and covered in candy wrappers."

"What's the difference between an epileptic oyster-shucker and a hooker with diarrhea? One shucks between fits, and the other fucks between shits."

"Me: You should really try this lip gloss Her: this is super glue Me: HEAR ME OUT"

"Sorry my seductive strip tease to Janet Jackson's Black Cat blew your Grandma's pacemaker and caused your Mom to divorce your Dad."