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Joke of the Day

"Got carded for a box of Nicorette. I guess they don't want you to quit using tobacco until you're over 18."

"Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Give Jesus a fish, and you and your family will eat nothing but that one fish for a lifetime."

"Two cannibals are eating Amy Schumer The first one says to the other one, ""Does this taste funny to you?"" The other one says, ""No."""

"[at Indian restaurant] ""Those triangular pastry parcels with the spicy filling were delicious!"" ""Samosa?"" ""Oh no thanks, I'm full"""

"*cop approaches me* ""have u seen this girl?"" *holds up photo* ""yeah I've seen her, NAKED"" *hi-5* ""haha but seriously shes in my trunk"""

"What's the speed limit to sex? 68. Once you go 69 you have to stop and turn around."

"I'm sick and tired of all these goddamn illegal aliens taking jobs away from good, hard-working American aliens."

"Can we hold off on finding a cure for cancer for a minute and focus on getting the timing right on automatic faucets in public restrooms?"

"A world without women... Would be such a pain in the ass."

"2 Mexicans escape from prison. ""Jesus, take the wheel!"""