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Joke of the Day
"If the black man got shot, these guys get fired. Secret Service guys, cuz you know."
Next Joke
"[restaurant] ME: Bottle of shiraz pls. It's my birthday WAITER: Your birthday? It's on the house ME: [looking up] Do you have a ladder or"
"I never could have made it to my sixth Twitter anniversary without the support of my wife and kids, whatever their names are."
"I wish I was from Finland so when people asked if I was Finnish I could say ""no, in fact, I'm just getting started"""
"What do you call a sweaty British Millionaire? All-quid."
"Idea for a board game BONOPOLY - Similar to Monopoly, but where the streets have no name."
"""Another mans thrash is another mans treasure"" Apparently this is not a good way for saying you are adopted to your kid"
"q: what's black and would kill you if it jumped on you out of a tree? a: a grand piano"
"Knock Knock Knock!! Who's there? The Mandela Effect."
"[Courtroom] Judge: Have you been up before me? Convict: I don't know, Judge. What time were you up this morning?"