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Joke of the Day

"I left my iPhone 7 in my car seat When I came back, the car window was broken. Someone had left another iPhone 7 in my car. So not fair!"

"What's the best time of this month for vampires? It depends on the girl"

"I told a chem joke today... There was no reaction."

"Funny how the closer I get to the bar the friendlier I become."

"ME: gimme a double BARMAN: [places an exact replica of me on the bar] ME: no I meant a double Scotch BARMAN: [puts a kilt on my replica]"

"Apparently, you still fail a roadside sobriety test if you just lay down and take a nap."

"What do you call a party with no Filipino people? A no-Nguyen scenario."

"Q: Why did the blonde jump off the cliff? A: She thought her maxi pad had wings"

"Ugh. New Year's Eve is just around the corner and I STILL haven't picked out which gang sign I'm going to hold up in photos"

"-Do you know what the girls say when the see a large penis? -No? -Well, I do."