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Joke of the Day
"Who won the Battle of the Bulge? The guy with the bulge in his sock ..."
Next Joke
"So my friend held up a can of coke... And asked, ""How do people snort this stuff?"""
"What is it that's red. Reddit."
"Who was the world's first carpenter? Eve, because she made Adam's banana stand."
"[steps off treadmill] ""Hey girl [out of breath, hands on knee] you like f-fitness? Cos I'm fitn--"" ""Shall I call an ambulance?"" ""Please."""
"Yeah, he jumped from 128,000 feet, but I fixed the shower today with a 4yo asking what i was doing 128,000 times.... Lets call it tie, ok?"
"GOD: (creates earth) hell yea lizard planet! WINDOWSTM: restart planet for important updates GOD: um ok *dinos die, man appears* GOD: wtf"
"You know what they say about assuming things... No I have no idea!! Did you assume I did?!"
"Did you know that Santa Claus is both an arborist and a geologist? He's gonna find out what's knotty or gneiss."
"what idiot called it the sun instead of a space heater?"