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Joke of the Day

"I work for a company who specialises in vacuum packed marine mammals. We're famous for our airtight seal."

"There's no human I hate more than the attendant in the bathroom at bars. Bro, I can handle this portion of my day ASSISTANCE FREE."

"ppl always judge adam & eve for listening to the talking serpent but u never hear a single person say anything about dr doolittle"

"I was told today that my muslim optician had passed away....Asif Eyecare."

"[Request] Apocalypse jokes I want as many apocalypse jokes as you can give me. Good, bad, ugly, I'll take any and all of them. Thank you :)"

"Samsung will no longer use the name ""Galaxy"" name on the Note 7... From now on, it's the Samsung Supernova 7."

"Got a secondhand robot. Practically good as new! Just a few nicks and scratches, and a tendency to murder."

"Someone told me that you look like an owl."

"Got bad news today. Doctor says I have Nimitz Disease. But don't worry. I'm just a carrier."

"What does the weather do when Hitler's around? It heils."