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Joke of the Day

"This year's Pulitzer Prize for Fiction... will probably go to some guy explaining why he had an Ashley Madison account."

"Did you guys know that water can talk? Water you talking about?"

"Her: I'm so wet Him: I'm so hard Eavesdropping alien: These people are bad at describing themselves."

"The best part of waking up, is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Chuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep."

"America is kind of like testicles If the right nut can't agree with the left nut. We can't produce."

"Chris Christie stopped running... Go figure"

"My wife once told me that she ingested fecal matter while in the womb I like to give her crap about it."

"Women and Wine I like my women like my wine, aging in the cellar."

"Procrastination is a dish best served eventually."

"[NSFW] A baby was born with no eye lids. . So they used the skin from his circumcision to make them. They said he'll be alright, just a little cockeyed."