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Joke of the Day

"Why do we.... Cook bacons and bake cookies?"

"They say history is written by the winners... But actually, history is written by historians and most of them are losers."

"You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket ... I'd miss you heaps and think of you often."

"If you're going to bother Google with a search, it is polite to type ""excuse me"" first."

"The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably."

"Well, I guess I'll jump on the pirate train. What's a horny pirate's worst nightmare? Finding a treasure chest with no booty."

"It's cool how when people tell us about their dreams that were the weirdest/most beautiful thing they've ever seen we're like ""UGH BORING"""

"Pro tip: Instead of having kids, just adopt a couple raccoons. They'll trash your house too, but at least they can feed themselves."

"What is a Freudian slip? A Freudian slip is when someone says one thing when thinking of amother."

"What did the demonic junkie get charged with? Two counts of possession"