218477
Joke of the Day
"The sign outside the drug rehab facility was very fitting ""Stay off the grass."""
Next Joke
"I recently participated in an erection contest. Unfortunately I didn't do so well. Let's just say there was some stiff competition."
"What do you call a superfluous elephant? Irelephant"
"Ever hear about the farmer who bought a tractor with no seat and no steering wheel? Apparently he lost his ass and had no place to go....."
"I've just started going out with some anorexic twins, two birds one stone"
"some tweets get big favs but no RTs. why? [camera pans to dog in lab coat high up on a distant ledge. we're too far away to hear his answer]"
"To teach my kids about the election I let them vote for dinner. They voted for pizza so I made tacos to teach them their vote doesn't matter anyway."
"What's worse than a baby stapled to a tree? A baby stapled to ten trees."
"I'm calling it now: I'm going to discover the cure for blindness and make billions of dollars someday. You'll all see."
"Tip Of the Day: You can easily avoid bruising your thigh by not staring at a female jogger and then walking into a fire hydrant."