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Joke of the Day

"My friend asked me if I ever missed the idea of being in the womb. I said ""The only thing I'd miss was my umbilical cord....."" I was very attached to it."

"18 is TOO young to get married! You can't even buy booze at 18! If you can't buy booze, how the hell are you gonna make a marriage work?!?"

"When I die, please bury me wrapped in a sheet. That way I won't have to look for one when I become a ghost"

"The unused coloring book. Why can't the little girl color the elephant in her coloring book? Her arms are amputated."

"Leap years mean nothing when you have bad knees."

"Where did the dog find her husband? At the Groomers!"

"What's the difference between Santa Clause and a Pedophile? Nothing, they both like to unload their sacks while pleasuring children."

"What's worse than locking your keys in your car in front of an abortion clinic? Going in and asking for a coat hanger."

"I asked my wife.. ""what would you do if I won the lottery?"" She replied, "" I would take half and leave you."" I said, ""good I won $12. Here's $6, now fuck off."""

"If I knew you in high school and your Facebook profile picture is a baby I'll assume you're Benjamin Button and unfriend you."