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Joke of the Day

"(bed bath and beyond) *walks to beds* Wow nice beds *walks to baths* Wow nice baths *walks through intergalactic wormhole* Wow nice beyond"

"just saw a church sign that says, ""santa claus never died for anyone."" and i'm like, ""okay well jesus never brought me a barbie dreamhouse."""

"How do you feel about perfumes being designed by computers? Because I think it makes perfect scents."

"If I have an addiction to masturbation And I suddenly develop it into an addiction to sex, does that mean my addiction is getting out of hand?"

"There's no way witnessing the birth of your child is better than seeing your luggage come out first on the baggage carousel."

"I want to date a girl who is willing to solve any disagreements with impromptu light-saber battles."

"Obama's gonna take all your decorative soaps."

"Why is Donald Trump so intent on building a wall with Mexico? To stop the workers at his construction site from running back!"

"Q: Why doesn't the dinosaur cross the road anymore? A: Because their eggs stink. (They're extinct)"

"What do you call a parrot that flew away? A polygon!"