21738

Joke of the Day

"My first workout back at the gym was great. I did 15 mins of cardio, 10 mins on the defibrillator, and then 3 days in the hospital."

"I would like to apologize to those offended by the false pregnancy gags. I too participated in this prank. I would like to apologize to all the men out there unable to carry a baby."

"If you weigh a whale at a whale weigh station, where do you weigh a pie? Somewhere over the rainbow, weigh a pie."

"You hear the one about the cow that told too many jokes? They say he was milking it."

"Dr: We need you to come back for additional blood work... Me: Why, is something wrong?! Dr: Yes. Your blood sample was mostly champagne..."

"Three men walk into a bar They all get concussion"

"MY AUNT: All we can do now is pray DOCTOR: Oh nice so I should put down this cardio thoracic surgical instrument? We're good here?"

"I wish my job was more like a video game. In order to be promoted to the next level, all I'd need to do is kill the boss."

"Facebook users are roaming the streets in tears, shoving photos of themselves in people's faces and screaming 'DO YOU LIKE THIS? DO YOU??'"

"Thanks, motion sensor restroom sinks, I only wanted to wash my hands for 0.0000251 seconds anyway"