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Joke of the Day

"The 11th commandment was, ""Talk shit, get hit"" but God totally didn't have enough room on those stone things, so, like, yeah."

"Me: You can just keep that pen. Coworker: Sure? Me: Yeah. I noticed you don't wash your hands in the restroom. Cw.. Me: I told everyone."

"How to bargain with your wife Me: Can I get a motorcycle? Wife: No. Me: Can. I get a boat? Wife: NO! Me: Can I get a blowjob? Wife: (sighs) Is it a BIG boat?"

"How many spiders does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two."

"I met an Indian girl who doesn't date Indian guys... When I asked her why, she said ""uhhh no real reason"". I'm thinking, ""no reason, huh?"" So I punched her in the face. Now she has a reason."

"I recently found out that they are reviving Full House. The show is called Fuller House, but Bob according to Bob Sagat, its called Filler House."

"Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot. "

"Then there was the noodle who wanted all his life to be an M... but when he finally got his wish, no one believed him cause he was an M pasta..."

"Hillary and Donald are in a plane that crashed. Who survived? The pilot who jumped out with a parachute."

"These attacks in Paris were really terrible 13/11 never baguette"