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Joke of the Day

"I found out my date likes to dissect people from Southeast Asia. I've since decided to cut Thais with her."

"Knock knock ""who's there?"" interrupting cow with alzheimer's disease ""interrupting cow with alzheimer's disease who?"" knock knock ""who's there?"" moooooooooo ::silence::"

"Some people like instant gratification but I prefer mine brewed slowly from freshly ground gratification beans"

"Dinner with Jesus Say you have a dinner date with Jesus, in a fine Italian restaurant, what would he order ? Jesus takes the veal !"

"Why did the heart get sent to police station? Cardiac arrest."

"Why wouldn't the two tampons speak to each other? Because they were both stuck-up cunts."

"A robot walks into a bar; says he needs to loosen up. So the bartender serves him a screwdriver."

"Why do blurry people always ask me if I'm drunk?"

"Some guy just knocked on my door selling raffle tickets for poor black orphans. I said, ""Fuck that knowing my luck, I'd win one!"""

"I'm pretty sure my parents are getting me a sweater for Christmas, but I really would have preferred a moaner or screamer."