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Joke of the Day

"Some tattoo artists need to just say, ""no, I'm not doing this shit."""

"Did you hear about the guy who died due to masturbation? It finished him off."

"[Bookstore] Me: *hands over Tangled coloring book* Cashier: How old is your daughter? Me: [sweating nervously] Of course it is"

"[posing nude] ME: make sure to capture all of my body's contours DMV GUY: again, this is entirely inappropriate for a license photo"

"I'm sorry, I don't see why you can't have a crack house AND have it tastefully decorated."

"Why does Peter Pan always fly? I'm sure no one will get this! It can't be a re-post. I checked."

"So there's this cute girl from work and I'm too shy to talk to her But then I realized, all I needed to do to talk to her was to remove the duct tape"

"I like my coffee like I like my woman. Cold and bitter."

"A Mexican magician tells the crowd he will disappear on the count of 3... He says ""uno... dos..."" *poof*! and disappears without a tres."

"If a boy put rose petals all over my bed I'd be like you're cleaning this up I'm not cleaning this up"