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Joke of the Day
"I'm trying to get down to my original weight... 7lbs 3oz."
Next Joke
"PILOT: if you look out the window you'll see we're cruising at 35,000 feet [i look out the window] [THE SKY IS FULL OF FEET JESUS CHRIST]"
"New Years Resolutions: 1. Lose weight 2. Volunteer work 3. Lie about 1 and 2"
"Just a typical interview ""What's your greatest weakness?"" ""Honesty."" ""I don't really think that's a weakness."" ""I don't give a fuck what you think."""
"Cauliflower is just ghost broccoli."
"I was invited to an event that requires causal dress. Should I wear a time machine or a syllogism print?"
"Did you hear about the goblin whose left arm and left leg cut off? Guess what he's alright now!"
"Me: Can I bet $20 on the Panthers to win the Super Bowl? Government: Sorry, no Me: Ok, can I buy 1k in powerball tickets? G: Lol, of course"
"How do you help a Jew with ADHD? Send him to a concentration camp."
"What's a good treatment for insomnia? Bill Cosby"