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Joke of the Day

"My daughter asked me if I know how to do the Running Man, like my generation didn't invent it. Anyway, that's what brings me to the ER."

"I have a love-hate relationship with my wife... I love her, she hates me! Ho-ho!"

"Greatest Photocopy Machine 9Gag"

"There is a new kind of bread in the Ukraine that is the most popular. I don't know what it is called but it is Putin free."

"You don't have a Twitter account. Twitter has a You account."

"Um, I'm not ""complaining"" of chest pains *glares at paramedic* don't make this heart attack sound bratty"

"Last night was the third time a girl walked out midway a date. Something's still wrong in my PowerPoint presentation."

"Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?"

"My girlfriend left me recently because I kept on touching pasta... Right now I'm feeling cannelloni..."

"""McDonald's sales soar thanks to all day breakfast"" In unrelated news toilet paper stocks have risen and plumber businesses have been unable to keep up with demands for work."