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Joke of the Day

"Birds are dinosaurs? No. I want dinosaurs here or I want them completely gone. I don't need a bullshit imitation dinosaur to shit on my car."

"Why wasn't the astronaut paying attention? Because he was spaced out."

"I got arrested the other day for holding a little girl's hand They wanted to know where the rest of her body was"

"A group of midgets were planning to rob a butcher's... But the steaks were just too high."

"Just saw The Martian. If Matt Damon was alone on Mars, who was filming him that whole time? Clearly fake"

"I wasn't planning on giving Christmas gifts this year until I heard about those exploding Samsung Galaxy phones."

"There was a prison break and I locked eyes with a midget as he climbed up the fence. As he jumped over he sneered at me and I thought, ""Well, that's a little condescending."""

"My friend is convinced he has the biggest balls in the world He's so egotestical."

"Mommy, why am I getting Christmas presents in November? Because it's cheaper than chemotherapy."

"How many Mormons does it take to drink a 12 pack of beer? One if nobody is watching."