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Joke of the Day

"My black friend asked me if there was a coloured printer today in the library.. I said ""Dude, what the fuck? It's 2015, you can use whatever printer you want."""

"What is a hipster russian roulette? You got six cookies and five of them is gluten free."

"What type of target shooting does Lil Jon do? Skeet skeet motherfucker!"

"You guys hear that Atheists don't get taxed? Apparently they are a non-prophet organization"

"Girlfriend and I are visiting San Fran to finally see the Golden Gate in person. ""What are we going to do when we see it?"" she asks. ""We'll cross that bridge when we get there."""

"I have 6 locks on my door. When I leave, I lock 3. So no matter how long somebody tries to pick the locks, they are always locking 3. Suckas"

"What do you get if you cross Oddjob with Blofeld? Oddfeld..."

"Sometimes giving someone a second chance is like giving them an extra bullet for their gun because they missed the first time."

"We all knew that Jared Fogle loves the Subway Turkey Sub... but now we find out he likes to sneak a little salami into the bun too"

"1st old man says ""I wish I could pee with no problems"", 2nd old man says ""I wish I could poop easily"", 3rd old man says ""I easily do both by 10am...."" "".... problem is, I don't wake up til noon"""