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Joke of the Day

"How do I know when my girlfriend is having an orgasm? ... My hormones"

"An egg voted to leave the omelet.. and then.. it.. did.. yeah, sorry its just too scrambled. there's no way to get a good yolk out of this mess.."

"I broke my arm in a couple places; know what the doctor said? ""Stay out of those places!"""

"I realize I put this off but how much weight can I lose in 2 hours?"

"Whats the most disappointing thing for dads on Christmas? When he gets a sweater, but he was hoping for a screamer or a squirter."

"Is it still a walk of shame if I'm leaving my own house? It ain't like I'm proud of what happened in there."

"Michael Jackson loves the holiday season It starts with Black Friday, and it ends with a White Christmas. I'll show myself out."

"My girlfriend went to Florida She blew his whistle; It went down for real."

"ME: you don't look anything like your profile photo TINDER DATE: LOL no, that's my pug, Arthur *silence for 10mins* ME: is Arthur coming or"

"There are 2 things I hate in this world... People who can't count."