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Joke of the Day

"Whats the most disappointing thing for dads on Christmas? When he gets a sweater, but he was hoping for a screamer or a squirter."

"What did one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire? Same time next month?"

"Me have great grammar... Me learnt everything I know from Sesame Street!"

"Holding down the power button until my device turns off feels like strangling someone until they stop breathing. Except I usually hope my device turns back on."

"What do you get when you cross Holy Water with castor oil? A religious movement!"

"So a 400 pound lady walks into a gas station to get directions.. she walks in and says ""How do I get to 280?"" A man steps out of line and replies ""I guess diet and exercise didn't work!"""

"TIL: In the 60's people started a music festival before Woodstock in Alabama. It's called ""Burning Church"""

"Newt Gingrich's face looks like a fat woman's knee."

"My favorite criminal intent: Robin Hood camping."

"I just seen a black guy walk through a spiderweb and hands down it was the best impression of a white man dancing I've ever seen."