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Joke of the Day

"Scientists are close to re-enacting The Big Bang theory. Hope its got another hot blonde with nice tits in it."

"Chuck Norris could shoot someone and still have time to roundhouse kick him in the face before the bullet hit."

"I love playing catch with my dogs when I'm drunk, because I don't have dogs when I'm sober."

"[very obviously being hit on] hahaha ok well, see you around [4 days later, cutting open a cantaloupe] wait a second"

"Just paid 2 dollars in quarters to put air in my tire... This inflation is out of control."

"Where did the Grim Reaper find his missing keys? On Death's drawer."

"I've just made an abortion. I'm not kidding."

"Why does Mexico never get gold medals in olympics? Because all their swimmers, runners, and high jumpers are in USA."

"What's a capitalist's favourite dessert? PROFITeroles. Bad, I know."

"What do you call a soldier who survived pepper spray and mustard gas? A seasoned veteran"