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Joke of the Day

"Did you know lotr could have come out a lot earlier? Only problem was no one knew what the writer was Tolkien about"

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"Do these Daisy Dukes make my trash look White?"
"If the lever on your toaster breaks off and your bread starts burning, can you pry it out with a butter knife? The answer may shock you."
"My son got sent home from school today for chewing gum in class. I had to phone the teacher and explain to her that he's only trying to give up smoking."
"I went to a Rastafari's funeral last night... It was dreadful."
"me: better check my phone for texts from friends me: *checks phone* me: better get some friends"
"what did the lactose intolerant man say after eating an ice cream cone? please excuse my dairy air"
"(Q)..... What Do You Call A Brunette Standing Between Two Blondes? (A)..... The Interpreter."
"My recipe for vodka-flavoured brats never caught on. It was the Absolut wurst."
"The thing I like best about smartphones is how they're a prison you keep in your pocket"