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Joke of the Day

"Twitter mobile app is still showing stars not hearts so I'm going to stay on here like those violinists at the end of Titanic."

"Some 1-oz liquor glasses were let go from a local pub recently. Shots fired"

"Beauty is in the Eye Of The Tiger."

"I am a unicorn hunter You don't see any unicorns around do you?"

"Did you hear? If the democratic candidate wins the white house... the president will be taking a pay cut. It works out to be about 22%."

"What's the difference between Jared Fogle's divorce and other divorces? Most married couples tried to stay together FOR the kids. Not divorce because of them."

"I've limited my friends to 3 people that know how to split a dinner bill w/o causing a fiasco and life has been awesome since."

"I used to think people who looked for sex on craigslist were rock bottom... Then I discovered twitter."

"A friend of mine in law enforcement doesn't like The Clash. I guess you could say that sheriff don't like it."

"Did your world end today? Mayan didn't"