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Joke of the Day

"I only stop browsing Reddit when I accidentally hit something ..or when it's time to wipe"

"Shortest joke about misfortune A seal walks into a club"

"I thought I had an std because my eyes started burning every time I had sex. Then I realized it was just the mace."

"Somebody said ""hey wanna eat this apple"" and I said ""no thanks I ate a PC for lunch"""

"I want my headstone to read ""loving wife, evil dictator""."

"Why do police ask to see your drinking license when they pull you over, but they call it a driver license like your bartender does before you can drink?"

"What did the circus owner say to the human-cannonball when the he wanted to retire? How will I ever find another performer of your caliber? (Source: a dad on thanksgiving)"

"What did one snowman say to the other snowman? Do you smell carrots?"

"Why did Adele cross the road? So she could say hello from the other side (If this has already been posted I might cry I thought I made this all up on my own haha)"

"OFFICE CHRISTMAS PARTY BOSS: I don't know you. Do you work here? ME: *sips wine* No. HIM: So your wife does? ME: *sips his wine* Again no."