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Joke of the Day

"Why was Heisenberg such a bad lover? When he got the momentum, he couldn't find the position, and when he found the position, he couldn't muster up the momentum."

"Tits are like Lego bricks. They're there for the kid, but dad ends up playing with them."

"Why do scuba divers fall backwards off of the boat? Because if they fell forwards, they would still be in the boat."

"[first day as a celebrity chef] *Just a heartrending 40 minute montage of me struggling to get the potato masher out of the cutlery drawer*"

"What was the weather forcast in poland on the day before the german invasion? 86% chance of heil"

"My biggest fear is laughing at a joke I didn't understand and someone asks me to explain it to them."

"What do you call a cook with ebowla espatula ill be here all night guys"

"Some people think that killing animals with helium is wrong... I don't judge... Whatever floats your goat."

"Why doesn't Popeye's serve spinach?"

"My blind friend texted me from his new phone today! It said ""gwi u dor srw ofjrd"""