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Joke of the Day

"in case you're wondering I don't want to be buried in any of the cemeteries near my house Since I'm not dead yet."

"What is Whitney Houston's favorite kind of coordination? HAAAAND EEEEEEYYYYYEEEEE!!!!!"

"why couldn't the lifeguard save the hippie? because he was far out."

"BF went to text me ""almost there"" It came out ""almost dead"" So hungover, I wrote back ""thank god"" And now he arrived and things are awkward"

"Why did the developers have to delay their pirate game? They needed to give their characters an eye-patch."

"What did the light bulb say to the switch? ""You turn me on."""

"What cloud is so lazy because it will not get up? -Fog"

"What is the suicide emergency hotline number in Brazil? 127 Edit: [for clarification](http://www.fifa.com/worldcup/matches/round=255955/match=300186474/)"

"My friend used to play sports. Then she realized you can buy trophies. Now she's good at everything."

"What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft? A flat minor."