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Joke of the Day

"How do Muslim women get wrinkles off their faces? Fabric softener."

"I'm going to name my first daughter karma, Being a bitch already runs in the family."

"What's the difference between news of the US elections and Madeleine McCann? News of the elections is getting old."

"Clean and jerk is a weight lifting term? Oh... *Tosses tissues in the trash*"

"I went to buy some classical music today... But I forgot my Chopin Liszt."

"Work said I was going to do a drug test today. So far I haven't tested any drugs, but this weird guy asked me to urinate in a cup."

"How hot was that oven? That they baked you in? Because you're hotter than a freshly baked Pizza!"

"What do little miss muffet and ISIS have in common? They both have curds in their whey."

"""dad, why do people say they have green fingers when their fingers are not green""? ""well son, its a saying. just like when you say someone was caught red handed, when their hand is actually black"""

"When are we gonna admit that those tools we keep by the fireplace are just for killing people?"