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Joke of the Day

"in the middle east you can't drink But you can get stoned For drinking"

"i absolutely cannot cook for shit but i was watching a child prodigy chef n was casually like ""ugh, i don't kno about that sauce"""

"What do you call the outer edge of a piece of bread that has been toasted? Crusty"

"The Joker is in a room with Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump, and has a gun with one bullet, who does he shoot? Neither. Some men just want to watch the world burn."

"It should cost $87 to leave someone a voicemail."

"How did Mark Zuckerberg meet Miley Cyrus? Social net twerking"

"I really want to get on the mars one mission Because I'm against premartial sex"

"BRAKING NEWS ... A man who took an Airline company to court after his luggage went missing has lost his case."

"[puts a tub of Blue Bell in the cart] Ma'am, did you hear there was a recall? That could be deadly. [slowly puts second tub in cart]"

"Never play musical chairs against a person in a wheelchair. They will always beat you."