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Joke of the Day

"I'm not going to masturbate for the rest of the year Three more hours to go."

"Netflix: Want to keep watching? Me: Do we really need to do this? Netflix: It's just, it's been 75 hours and I can hear your kids crying."

"What did the kid with no arms get for Christmas? I dont know, hes still trying to kick it open."

"What's the difference between spinach and sodomy? None really. You can add as much butter as you want, kids just won't enjoy them."

"Have You Heard The One About The Sheep? It's baaad..."

"*slowly opens eyes after a thousand years of meditation* but where does one throw away a garbage can"

"Did you hear about the guy who brought a ladder to the bar? He heard beer was on the house"

"My phone autocorrected killed to kilt. Well plaid, phone. Well plaid."

"""You could have done so much better than him."" Me: Mom, I'm right here."

"Love your parents. We are so busy growing up, we often forget they are also growing old."