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Joke of the Day

"Why does Ed Miliband like advent calendars? Because it's his only chance to open the door to Number 10!"

"Teachers call me a fish because I'm below C level"

"Can't believe Sting isn't the lead singer of the Scorpions"

"such a hipster... they were into Adele before she got big."

"I'm trying to switch from ""okay"" to ""OK"" but I can't figure out what to do with all this extra time on my hands"

"Just thought of one: Why is an abortionist good to have on your team? If you conceive something, they can execute it."

"What do you call a Mexican that flies a plane? A pilot, you racist!"

"Did you know Jesus had a Ford That's why he walked everywhere"

"Got a case for my iPhone even though the screen is already cracked. So basically it's like putting a condom on my kid's head."

"How many lightbulbs does it take to change a lightbulb? Depends on how clumsy you are. *There, I've killed it. Move on /r/jokes, move on.*"