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Joke of the Day

"My wife says that all she wants is an attentive lover...... ...or maybe it was a tent of lovers. I don't really know, I wasn't paying attention."

"What do The Pope & a Christmas Tree have in common? The balls are just for decoration."

"Why couldn't the blind man go skydiving? It would of scared the shit out of the dog."

"During an appointment, a doctor tells his patient, ""You have got to stop masturbating!"" The patient gets concerned and asks, ""Why? Is it affecting my health?"" ""No! I'm just trying to examine you!"""

"Next on CNN, 600 hours of guessing what happened to a plane."

"I can't fall asleep/So I think of some haikus/I should go tweet one!"

"For health reasons, my doctor says I should avoid trans fats I'm gonna miss tumblr"

"The Les Miserables sequel is so much better. Hugh Jackman has knives in his hands and fights a bunch of ninjas and shit. No singing at all!!"

"If The Lego Movie is about anything other than parents walking around and cursing after stepping on Legos, it's not based on a true story."

"Find someone who can make you happy, like a doctor or pharmacist....basically anyone who has access to mood-enhancing drugs."