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Joke of the Day

"I'm not an alcoholic, alcoholics go to meetings, I'm a drunk, we go to parties."

"Q: When driving through fog what should you use? A: Your car."

"You're suppose to wear clean underwear in case you're ever in an accident. I wear a new pair of shoes every day in case a house lands on me."

"What's the best way to become a Russian leader? Stop Stalin! Just Putin the effort and start Lenin it happen!"

"My boss: Why are you sleeping at your desk?! Me: Because my bed is at home."

"Autocorrect changed honey to homey. Now, instead of going out to a romantic dinner we will be doing a drive-by."

"Hey Joe, did you return that axe to Frank? Yes. And what did he say? Yaaaaauh!"

"I had a date last night. Such an underrated fruit."

"If we were compressed down to a single dimension ... what would be the point of it all?"

"Airline food is getting worse and worse The passengers on the Germanwings flight said it tasted like they were literally eating rocks."