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Joke of the Day

"I'm not an alcoholic, alcoholics go to meetings, I'm a drunk, we go to parties."

"I forgot why I was retracing my steps so I gave up and re-retraced them back to bed."

"Roses are red, I have a phone, no one texts me, forever alone."

"I was given a recipe book for roadkill recently I collected some roadkill and followed the recipe. It tasted good but I have no idea what to do with his bike."

"I recently found an audio bible narrated by James Earl Jones Overall it was good, though the book of Luke seemed a bit forced"

"What did one cop say to the other cop while investigating a crime scene at a farm? A rooster!"

"My girlfriend killed my cat She claims that she is the only pussy I need."

"I masturbate with soap... Just thought I'd come clean."

"I think I left popcorn in the microwave too long and now it tastes funny. related: popcorn is my cat's name."

"What's the difference between sex and a corporation? In sex the person on top does most of the work"