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Joke of the Day

"""It's a banana in my pocket"" ""May I remind the defendant that he's under oath?"" *averts eyes* ""I'm glad to see you"""

"You know you are Canadian when 0c and sunny is beautiful warm day..."

"Doctor: I have two pieces of bad news for you. One is that you have cancer and is going to die soon. The other is that you have Alzheimers. Patient: Oh. But at least I don't have cancer."

"People who say that they don't have time for my bullshit need to learn how to manage their time better. Wake up an hour earlier."

"I ran into my dad earlier... Shitty driving must run in the family..."

"Top ten Instagrams are of young women http://dadaviz.com/i/3971 *exclusions apply"

"Ocean's 45: The group gets bigger each heist It's too hard to keep secrets Someone posts the next plan on Facebook Everyone goes to jail"

"Patient: Tell me honestly how am I? Dentist: Your teeth are fine but your gums will have to come out."

"Where do birds meet for coffee ? In a nest-cafe !"

"Why did the tomato blush when it saw the salad dressing? It was embarrassed."