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Joke of the Day

"The good news is, I found my phone charger in my bed while I was vacuuming my sheets. The bad news is, you read that 2nd part correctly."

"""I am going on a trip."" ""Mushrooms or acid?"""

"When Jerry Seinfeld dies... I really hope his tombstone says: *Jerry Seinfeld 1954 yadda yadda yadda 20XX*"

"Darth Vader: ""Listen Luke, this is a new arrangement for both of us. Let's not force things. Just let me know if you need a hand."""

"His ex saw me and said, ""I guess beauty is in the eye of the beholder""... I said, ""Guess so, but I Be Holdin' his hand!!!"""

"My friend told me that recycling is good for the environment Not on Reddit, apparently. I got downvoted a lot..."

"United States: There's 5280 feet in one mile. Rest of the World: What even is that? United States: Lol, we made it up."

"I was on a date and my credit card got declined. Her credit card got declined too. Then I knew I was in love."

"""Stay out of the heat & stay hydrated."" Thank you news-anchor. It's my first summer."

"I put off things I don't want to do until tomorrow because a small part of me is like ""Well maybe I'll be dead by then"""