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Joke of the Day

"What's red and white and screams when you shake it? A skinned baby in a bag of salt."

"Cop: What's the hurry? Me: Nothing officer - Just didn't want to slow you down. Cop: I was pulling you over. Me: Well I get that. Now."

"Why did little Susie fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. Knock, knock. Who's there? Not Susie."

"I hate Walmart. The men's bathroom doesn't have any urninals! Just a bunch of women screaming telling me to get out"

"Why can't Ewoks yell and scream in the house? They have to use their Endor voices."

"If Nefertiti owned a topless bar which served tea she could have marketed her business with t-shirts. You could call them 'Nefertiti's titties, tease, teas, and tees.' Edit: better grammar/phrasing."

"Every time I use <3 in an @ to someone, I can't help but think, ""Please accept this carrot with balls as a token of how much I heart you."""

"How was the Grand Canyon created? A Jew lost a penny (incoming angry comments)"

"'Knock Knock.' 'Who's there?' The pilot."

"How do you know if a black lady is pregnant? If she pulls out her tampon and all the cotton has been picked."