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Joke of the Day

"Have you heard the one about the sick chemist? If you can't helium and you can't curium, you'll probably have to barium."

"To determine how safe a neighborhood is, divide the number of white women carrying yoga mats by the number of signs saying 'Checks Cashed'"

"""Sound the alarm!"" ""Dude, there's no way that thing will fit."""

"My prison cell-mate just asked me if I was tight. Why does he care about how I spend my money?"

"A man walks into a library and says to the librarian, ""do you have that book for men with small penises?"" ""Yeah it's on the third lane"" ""Okay, thanks"""

"Dead baby joke What's the difference between a dead baby and mistletoe? I don't hang mistletoe at Christmas time"

"A Brief History of Our Times: As televisions became flatter, people became rounder."

"Where did Sally go when the bomb went off? E V E R Y W H E R E"

"I like how glasses suggest intelligence instead of broken eyes."

"I used to date cross-eyed women just to feel better about myself after sex."