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Joke of the Day

"Why did sodium stay home all day? Because when helium invited sodium and potassium to the mall, potassium said *K* but all sodium could say was *Na*."

"A suicide bomber, a member of an ethnic minority, my girlfriend, a priest, and a blonde walk into a bar. The bartender says ""What is this, /r/Jokes?"""

"So I went to a zoo with only one animal... It's a shit-zhu"

"You sneeze more than 5 times in a row and I'm gonna start performing an exorcism."

"my date is in 2 hours, which means I have very little time to fix my glasses and fix my bangs and get a career and lose 50 pounds"

"My daughter has gotten to the age where she asks me embarrassing questions about sex... Just this morning she asked me ""Is that the best you can do?"""

"[Pharrell eating at Arby's] ""I want a new look"" Like a new hair cut? ""Something crazier"" *notices the hat in the Arby's logo* ""I've got it!"""

"The toughest decision I will make today is wine or beer... Life is rough.."

"Our dog is named lucky he often escapes, so we'll be up all night to get lucky"

"I'd make an Apple joke... But they'd probably remove it."