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Joke of the Day

"[walks into gym with my sunglasses on] WHATS UP LADIES *takes off sunglasses* damn it 3rd treadmill I've hit on this week"

"I'm a businessman so I tuck my shirt in. There's a lot of money on the line so I need you to know that this is roughly where my legs start."

"How do Freudians describe the human mind? As a huge ENEMA, I mean huge enigma....."

"Once I had a machine that made counterfeit pennies. I regret it now, but it made a lot of cents at the time."

"Did you hear? Tony Romo tried committing suicide after yesterday's game... But the bullet was intercepted."

"Her: Are you a dog person or a cat person? Me: ... H: ... M: ... H: Why are you hesitating? M: I'm not sure which answer will get me laid."

"Why are defense lawyers the best lovers? Because they're great at getting you off."

"Giving Money To The Non-Homeless Prank What kind of reactions could we get by giving our spare change to people who clearly don't need it. confused and disoriented evidently. :D"

"Animal sounds Cats go meow Rats go squeak Dogs go woof Pigs go ""Put your hands on your fucking head unless you wanna be shot in your fucking skull!"""

"So, the KGB walks into a bar... ...and they start, uh... they... I, uh... I don't know. I didn't see *anything*; I swear!"