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Joke of the Day

"[walks into gym with my sunglasses on] WHATS UP LADIES *takes off sunglasses* damn it 3rd treadmill I've hit on this week"

"What's the best part about sex with 28-year-olds? There are twenty of them. ( ) (v)"

"I'm not saying the Internet lies, but there is an alarming discrepancy in the number of iPads I've won and the number that I actually own."

"Here's to the stork that brings good babies... ""Here's to the stork that brings good babies, the crow that brings bad babies, and the swallow that brings no babies at all!"""

"A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his pants The bartender ask, ""Doesn't that bother you?"" The pirate says,""Arrrgh, it's driving me nuts"""

"I'd tell a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn't get a reaction..."

"A girl walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a double entendre... so he gives it to her"

"Did you know when a man masturbates he generates 5 BTU of energy.. So if you had 5000 men in a room masturbating, it would be extremely gay."

"The voice actor for The Count on Sesame Street passed away this year... I guess his number was up."

"I hate it when a dog starts barking and then every other dog nearby retweets him."